The Brink: Stephanie Olsen

If We're Christians, Why Can't We Forgive One Another?

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

When I hadn't heard from my friend, I finally decided to halt my over-packed schedule and call her one more time. For weeks I had been getting her voicemail. Thanks to Facebook I knew she was still alive, but we are both busy, so I let it go. The last time we had talked she seemed different. Sad. Even distant. Due to circumstances at the time we didn't really get the chance to talk. I regret that now.

She finally answered. She sounded awful. I feared the worst. I knew I hadn't made the effort to check in with her like I should have. I immediately regretted not being more available. The second thing she said to me after hello was, "Steph, I messed up." I knew exactly what she meant.

Honestly, I wasn't shocked. How terrible is that? To suspect the worst only to have it confirmed. I was so very sad for everyone involved, knowing that the actions she chose were going to bring her even more heartache than what she was trying to rid herself of. Suddenly, to me, she was different. When she made the choices she did, every memory we had shared together suddenly seemed different. I wasn't really sure who she was or if she ever was the person I knew her to be.

What do you say when people disappoint you? How do you respond?

I thought I would be angry. I thought I would yell, and tell her she knew better. I wanted to tell her she could lose it all. But something else happened. I just listened. And cried with her. And listened more.

She knew what she did was wrong. She knew she put her relationship with everyone she loved on the line. She knew she wasn't owed forgiveness. She knew her life could change. She knew my opinion of her might change. But she owned up. She apologized to everyone involved. She is working on it.

In talking with some mutual friends about it later with her permission, I found so many saying, "I just can't trust her," "I don't know how to be her friend," "I don't know who she is anymore." I found people turning on her. They might not admit it, but they ran. Like she was infectious. Like her bad decisions were contagious.

I can't judge anyone. We all deal with hurt, anger, and disappointment in our own ways. But I couldn't help but think: isn't this just so very typical of "Christians." The very people who expect and put their faith in the principles of love and forgiveness and mercy are the first to revoke those gifts when it is us who feel wronged. Once, years ago, I heard my pastor, David Foster, say that the Christian army is the only army in the world that shoots its wounded. That statement has resonated with me and changed the way I view people who go through hard times or make what I would think are bad choices.

As Christians, we say we want our churches to be for people who need to know that God loves them and wants to be active in their life. Does that only apply to new converts? Do our churches and our relationships and our availability to help exists only for people who are not already "one of us"? I would say no. I think we are terrible at forgiving. We shoot people when they are down. Run when they need us. We write people off as no longer able to be a part of God's plan after they stumble.

We have to fix this mindset. We have to remind ourselves that we are every day in need of forgiveness. That everyone is worthy in God's eyes because of what Christ has done. Historically and biblically, those most used by God had massive screw-ups, did horrible things, and were once at a point where they could have been counted out. Why doesn't that mindset still apply today? Can we help those around us pick themselves up? Encourage them? Remind then that their present state when they fall doesn't have to be their defining moment.

My friend was so heartbroken to tell me where she was in her life. All I can do is be a friend. Love her. Help her get the help she needs. Only by the grace of God am I not her, and I would want my friends to never give up on me. So, I refuse to give up on my friend, because I know that it is not the mistake you make that determines who you are, but what you do after that determines your worth. I know she can find her way back to God's plan. I hope we all can.

Standing Up For a Cause: What We Can Learn From the Situation in Iran

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

As the world watches the situation in Iran continue to unfold, there are many opinions circulating about the recent election where Mahmoud Ahamadenijad claimed a disputed victory over Mir Hossein Mousavi. Even before the election officially closed, groups of Mousavi supporters began to rally to dispute the results, stating that Ahmadenijad had stolen the office of President of Iran. Reports surfaced of voter fraud, early poll closings, and ballot stuffing.
When word came that the election was indeed called for Ahmadenijad, the world watched and for the most part was silent. But for a group of Iranians, silence was not an option. They began to organize, to protest, and to march against great opposition and scrutiny by their government and the ayatollah, the head religious leader. The voters of Iran wanted all the votes counted and their voices heard. They refused to succumb to pressure and intimidation, even in the face of horrible violence and threats. People all over the world began to take notice. In a country where all media coverage was suspended and dictated, new technologies were used to capture the heart of the opposition and their demonstrations. While I was disturbed by the amount of violence and force the government used to quell the demonstrations, at the same time I looked at the people of Iran and felt proud for them. Many of them, for the first time in their life, used this opportunity to exercise free speech.
I read about men and women being beaten and jailed, most likely never to be heard from again, all to support something they believed in. All because they wanted to see a difference made. All because they knew that even one person voicing his or her opinion can make a difference for a cause you believe in. What astonished me most were the clerics, the religious leaders, who joined the protestors to voice their opposition. This was especially gripping because the ayatollah had forbidden any protestors from demonstrating in a very direct mandate.
I couldn't help but recognize that most of the protestors are of our generation. They are a group who is passionate and determined. They used social media sites to inform the world when all other news outlets were silenced. They wanted their story told and knew the world would listen. They made a difference in their country and changed the way the world viewed the people of Iran. No longer were they faceless citizens of a feared regime. For the first time, we saw women who were fully clad in their burkas march in protest alongside men. They were people who had a vision of a better country and a better way of life.
So why should we care? What does all this mean for us? Some of us took notice of the events. We watched in awe and horror. We prayed. Some of us even showed our support on social networking sites by greening our profiles. But is that really all we can do?
Our response should be to take notice of their determination to their cause. As young people who will carry our nation and world into the next generation and—even more importantly—as Christians who hope to win the world for Him, recognizing that a group of people can change things when sold out to a cause is imperative. If you don't like something, you don't have to stay silent. You can act. Stand up for what your faith says, what you believe, and Whom you follow.
Action doesn't just mean talking either. I feel that, as Christians, we do a whole lot of talking. We don't like this candidate or this policy so we make sure it is known where we stand. We discuss the ethical issue associated with this situation or the theology of another. We update our facebook status to discuss political or theological issues. We twitter the links to our blogs where we talk about how we can be better people or change the world. What I don't see much of is us actually doing something.
One of the best representations of the Iranian protest I saw was the green tape. One small strip of tape across a protestor's mouth spoke volumes. They may be momentarily silenced, but together they stood to make their point. And their point was made. There is power in action of the like-minded. We, especially as believers, should take notice. These small protests eventually turned into massive marches, some led by their own religious leaders, all the while risking their lives, their families, and their freedom. Were regimes changed? Not yet. But did they step up and take notice? Absolutely. Do you think they will forget the power of their people any time soon? Absolutely not. The marches and demonstrations on Iran started small but grew to encompass tens of thousands.
Action is imperative in everything we do, especially when it comes to changing our world for Jesus Christ. Action. Getting involved. Volunteering. Making a difference in your community, your church, and your world. As believers, we should find what we are passionate about and channel our gifts and talents for the cause to make our time on earth more worthwhile. We should get out of our comfort zones, our small groups, our Sunday School classes to actually make a difference in the world we are living in. If only we as Christians felt as passionate about our cause to change this world for God, what could we do? We could feed many hungry. Help many single parents. Raise money for many great causes. Be role models for kids who need someone. We could actually make the world stand up and take notice that Christians actually care about people and the world we live in. For our generation, it is time to take action because the rest of the world is, and our Cause is the greatest.

Stretch

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

I was not exposed to a lot of different cultures growing up. I basically had one type of friend—Christians. While I love and respect where I came from, sometimes I wish I had been more exposed to the differences around me.

In the small town in the south where I did most of my growing up, the white population made up at least 90 percent. My exposure to a minority culture was obsolete. I knew one view, one culture, one way. When my family moved to another small southern town, I was exposed to more differences, though the minorities represented were still very small. For the first time in my life I met people who were Catholic, Muslim, and Hindu. I am sad to say my lack of exposure led me to approach these differences with fear and questioning.

The shift of thought that made such a huge difference in my life was when a woman in my church began bringing her grandchildren (who were bi-racial) to our church. I’m sad to say, this was questionable in our circle back then. I remember talking with my mom about the situation. It was then that she said something that changed my thinking from that day forward: "What difference does it make if they are black, or white, or yellow? Don't we send money overseas to support missionaries trying to reach these same kinds of people? How is that any different than being missionaries to the people we come into contact with every day?"

That tiny conversation has stuck with me to this day.

Today, as I look around the room at the women with whom I share my life, I am not surprised at the amount of differences amongst us. Some of us are pastors’ daughters who have all taken very different directions concerning the faith we were taught growing up. Another is a former Catholic who married a Jew, who now practices Buddhism. One is a very devout Catholic who is steadfast in her views. Two are searching, also brought up in Protestant households, but unsure as to where "religion" or "spirituality" fit in to their lives. I have friends who are Taoist, Hindu, Muslim, and nothing at all. This is a snapshot of any group of young people across America. This is our culture. This is the world we live in. I am grateful for the fact that, while others around me are different and believe differently, we can all teach each other important lessons.

Some people would say I should not socialize with these people. I need to find strength from people of my own faith, they say. That is true to some degree. I do have a wonderful set of Christian friends who I depend on greatly. However, I feel my greatest impact could be made with these women and their husbands that my husband and I socialize with who do not believe exactly as we do. I like that when we discuss religion, we don't always agree. It gives us a chance to sift through our differences and explain to one another why we believe what we believe. It challenges us to know our theology better. It begs us to be strong and not surrender or compromise our beliefs.

I find it interesting that so many Christian people I know only expose themselves to others who believe exactly as they do. If your practice is to only associate with people who believe exactly as you do about every issue, at the end of the road, you will only be left with yourself.

I am so tired of Christians living a life of fear. Afraid to speak up. Afraid to be labeled. Afraid to be associated with things or people who are different. So afraid of becoming “of the world” that they are no longer “in the world” either.

Please don’t put me off as someone who doesn’t care about holy and blameless living. It’s just that I am burdened for my friends. I pray for them daily. But they don’t tear me down because they have different beliefs. As a matter of fact, they make my faith stronger. They challenge me to know my beliefs and my God more than some of my Christian friends do. I look at the way they handle crisis and failure, and yes even blessings and joy, and it reminds me that my outlook is different. My hope is different. The way I respond to life and death is different. And I think they notice. My God is bigger than our differences and the love I show them may be the only glimpse of His love they see. So in regard to being holy, if I don’t spend time with them, I’m not being blameless.

Personally, I’ve never felt “called” to be a missionary. I have the highest regard and respect for people who do, though. Some devote their entire lives to a different country and a different people. That’s really how it should be for every Christian. None of us are “at home” in the United States. We’re all citizens of another kingdom—the kingdom of God.

There are people of different colors and religions and ways of thinking in my circle. My husband and my contact with them might be the only contact they have with a believer of Christ. It is a huge responsibility and a huge privilege.

I hope we can all expand ourselves a little. Listen to another’s view, befriend a person who doesn't believe exactly as we do, be exposed to the way they live and where they come from. Meanwhile, be strong in your faith and represent Christ well. You may be the only representative they see. And both of you will be better for it.

Where Did All the Passion Go?

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

As our nation made history by swearing in the first African American President, I couldn’t help but think about what the next four years would entail. While this is a historic time, it is also one that brings about hope for some and apprehension for others. The presidential election has been probably the most partisan and hotly debated period I can recall in my lifetime. Everywhere, people took sides, debated issues, analyzed policies, and drew lines. I witnessed friendships suffer, families ostracize their own, and churches and pastors declare allegiances.

While those actions can be condoned or supported, I believe the impression that most resonated with me the most was the amount of passion I saw come from our generation, pouring out to support a particular candidate. From Twitter, to blogs, to Facebook statuses, I saw people our age come out to openly support and volunteer countless hours for the sake of a campaign. It amazed me the amount of pure raw passion they felt about their candidate.

Not just a candidate, but the issues for which their candidate stood. They were learned, educated, and informed about the policies of their candidate. They could defend their platforms. They could and, for the most part, did have intelligent conversations about the policies his or her candidate would support or enact if he or she was to come to power. They didn’t take someone else's advice or direction. They didn’t vote primarily along party lines. They chose for themselves. I heard cries of environmental concerns, the importance of the sanctity of life of the unborn, women’s rights, the support or abhorrence for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. They were passionate and committed to making their voices heard so their view may be supported.

All that has been over for a while and a new regime is in place. So, now what?

What is our role?

What does this mean for us, as Christians and as young adults?

It means all the fire and passion we felt trying to get our candidate elected can and should now be channeled for good. Presidents are leaders. All leaders have a team under them that makes them great or leads to their demise. Our choice is this: join the team and help make our world a better place, filled with Jesus’ influence, or sit on the sidelines. Show people there is a God who loves them and wants to be involved in their life or retreat to our homes and churches, only promising to pray for our leader.

That is our choice. While I always place a great deal of influence on conversations with God, I also realize He is expecting us to do something. Volunteer. Give of your time. Give of your gifts. And yes, give of your money. That means above and beyond your local gathering of believers. Obviously, first and foremost your volunteer efforts and monetary support should be designated to the local body you choose to worship with. If you aren’t doing that, you should begin there. But in Jesus’ day, He didn’t retreat to the temple hoping to influence from within the walls of His sanctuary. No, He entered the ugly world. The world with the sick and the sinful and the messy masses of people. He broke bread with them, invested in them, and made relationships that touched and changed people’s lives.

One of the biggest convictions I have felt throughout 2009 is the simple fact of how very blessed I am. In light of the bad economy, a mortgage crisis, turmoil in the Middle East, and poverty and famine in third-world countries, I am constantly amazed that I am privileged to live in a country that is free. Free to go to work each day and worship the God my soul craves for. Free to voice my concerns or support over a law or a policy. Free to disagree or agree openly with others around me. This realization has given me more of a sense of urgency to become more involved in cultural and society crisis—not just around the world, but all around me. Jesus called us, His sheep, to be involved. To clothe and care for the single moms, the orphans, the hungry, and the destitute.

As His followers, we are also called to do the dirty work. It isn’t easy. It takes effort. It takes investment in people. It can be time consuming and inconvenient. But it can also be the most rewarding and fulfilling thing you can do. As followers of Christ, we are not allowed to stand idly by and leave the government and the world’s leaders to their own devices. If we are truly concerned about the issues we so vehemently debated during the election, it is now our chance to do something about it.

Let me give an example. I heard many Christians chose their candidate over one huge issue—abortion. While the right-to-life issue is a top priority for me as well, I have to wonder, what if all the Christians who were so concerned about unborn children stepped up to foster or adopt a child or care for an unwed mother? Would this still be such an issue? Same goes for any hot-button issue. Is it really about the need of the issue, or is it just about winning a debate? If we as Christ followers left our pews and our life groups and our “fellowship times” and really entered the real world, what could we accomplish? If instead of eating out with our friends once a week we gave that money to a non-profit we believed was making a difference? If we looked past “those people” who are less fortunate than us to see a child of God that He loves and help them in their time of need, who could we help? I think we could change the world. At the beginning of a new phase, let’s commit to being involved. Let's commit to making a difference.

Either join the team or stay in your comfort zone. The choice is yours. It’s time to start using that passion for something that makes a real difference.