As ridiculous as this line of thinking was, what came next was even crazier. While contemplating the inevitably fatal influenza (which I did not yet have), I realized that if someone came to take me to the hospital, that person would see my apartment. I'd been meaning to clean it for days, but sometimes I'm lazy. It hadn't seemed important until I realized someone was actually going to see my mess. So, the housecleaning, which this morning seemed unimportant, jumped to the top of my priority list. I felt terrible. I had a low-grade fever, a headache, and I was exhausted, and I decided that the most important thing to do was clean. So, I cleaned house just as fast as I could before the fever got worse and I was forced to rush to the hospital for the flu I didn't yet have. Sometimes, I'm ridiculous.

While scrubbing down the bathroom sink I began to wonder, does this insanity extend to my spiritual life as well? Do I feverishly attempt to clean up for God? I know I need to spend more time in prayer with the Father, but I don't feel prepared enough. First I have to do all my spiritual chores: read my bible, go to church, volunteer for the homeless, etc. As if I could make my spirit a sparkling abode for God to visit. I know it isn't about works. I learned that in Sunday School. Maybe it's that first-born child syndrome which makes me feel I have to do everything exactly right, or that my worth is rolled up in how well I do things. That thought is dangerous enough, but when extended to Christianity, it approaches the heretical.

The Holy Spirit isn't like a friend who occasionally visits. If I am a Christian, then He lives within me. He knows what the place looked like before I cleaned up and He loves me anyway. Paul pronounces this in Romans 5:1-6, when he explains our faith should give us peace in the presence of God and comfort in hard times. Then he reminds us Christ died for us while we were still sinners. He didn't die for me after I cleaned my spiritual life.

It is important to live right for God because faith without works is dead (James 2:26). The problem is when the focus drifts away from the Father and on to how good I can be for Him. The difference is subtle, but vital. I've been placing the focus on me and what I can do for Him, but the truth is that I can't do anything for Him without Him. Without the Holy Spirit, I'll never scrape the grime off of my heart, and all that time spent trying could have been better spent relaxing in the presence of the Father.

Jacquelyn Spruill has a BA in English from Trevecca Nazarene University. She is the Circulation Supervisor for Trevecca's Waggoner Library.