Hum...did you just paint local churches with a broad stroke? Not sure which churches you have been associated with but everyone I have been part of has allowed me to come with my imperfections and people have not acted as if they are perfect. I have never had to have everything figured out. Not saying there is not churches like that but to make statements that are in such broad generalities and isolated events is not really good.

Breaks my heart! We've got to change that!!!!!

Cody, I'm glad you haven't had to experience that!

I am so sorry that you have had this experience. As a youth leader, I am very much in touch with my kids on a regular basis. I tell them that church is a place for them to come as they are and be with like-minded people who deal with many of the same issues every day. It's a place where we can all come as we are with our bad days, good days, failures and insecurities and rest in the arms of the One who died for us. We as a body should be ready to love on those who are hurting and expect the same when we are hurting. God is good!

I agree with you Jacob, but in a different way. I don't think church was meant to be a safe haven for believers. That's the real problem. People expect it to be, and no wonder they get disappointed. But the church in the New Testament was more of a send off point for workers, not a hospital for believers. The only hospital we are supposed to be is one for unbelievers. However, we cannot ignore the way church has become, and we must work from where we are to change it. But your buddy who wasn't being fulfilled at work should rather find fulfillment in his part of the work of God. Our jobs won't satisfy. If anyone knows this it's me. I work part-time at a fast food joint. If I didn't have my church, I'd go nuts. It's because what I do there matters. If your buddy didn't want to go to church, it wasn't because he didn't feel like he could rest, but it's because he didn't feel like he'd find any worth there either. Putting people to work for the cause of Christ is where they'll find worth, whether they're being persecuted at work or at home. We as the church of God in the West especially need to get back to that.

Alan, I'm with you that the church is a launching point. Yes. We are to be active in our society, etc. But to say the church is not supposed to be a safe haven is where I'm not on board with your comment, respectably. The NT word for church: ekklesia = the called out ones. For them to be called out implies they would be called out TO something. They are called out to holiness and communion with God but also with each other. So in this case, yes, being gathered together with other believers is exactly supposed to be a safe haven where believers can be away from the world and the pressures, temptations, and struggles of life. If the church is not supposed to be a hospital to help, aid, encourage, and then train and equip believers, then it's not a church bro!

Not saying this is the case in the two situations you mentioned, but I often find when people don't want to go to church and offer a myriad of excuses why, it shows more of a personal reflection of the person than the church. While I would say there are some churches that aren't fulfilling their necessary obligations, it's very easy for people to make the church the scapegoat and blame the church for their personal problems. Again, maybe not the case in the situations you listed, but at some point people who know the truth have to take responsibility for their actions and quit blaming the church.

David, Good point. Not sure either of my friends would blame the church for their particular problems. My main point is, when they had issues (and not sin issues either!), they avoided going to church instead of finding refuge with other believers there. That's a problem.

I think the answer to this lies in the spiritual health of both the believer and the church. I have been there. Church became unpleasant because it was all about responsibilities and expectations, not worship. In order to rest and re-charge spiritually, I had to step away from the mechanics of church and get alone with my Savior. Sometimes we can easily forget that first and foremost we are in a relationship with a person, not an institution. I have no problem with a person sincerely seeking private time to heal and commune with God as long as they do not use it as an excuse to neglect gathering with other believers.

Jacob, I think that had I put a certain word in there with my comment you might would have agreed with me. I believe that a church should not be a hostile place. It should be a safe haven. But it should not be *primarily* a safe haven. I've been in churches where they have this mindset. And it results in many unbalanced views that keep the church small and unhealthy. And it affects everything. Their music will be one-sided toward the songs about how hard life is and how much we long for heaven. Therefore, little will be sung about the majesty of God, and the need for revival and sanctification. It affects church discipline, in that people who are in blatant sin will be treated as victims, not offenders. It affects our ability as church leaders to stand firm on the hard truths of the Bible because we don't want to be labeled as insensitive. It even affects prayer, when 95% of your prayer requests are about sick people and those who've lost jobs instead of those who are lost souls. When we focus on the church as a hospital for believers, we lose the fact that it's really a training ground for those who are to resuscitate non-believers. There has to be balance, and unfortunately, the balance is tipped way too far toward babying Christians. If we always treat them like babies, then they will always be babies. Babies in Christ can't fulfill the Great Commission. They must be nurtured, yes, but with a mind for growth. And I realize that your two situations probably don't apply to the extreme idea that I'm presenting. What disturbs me is that I've seen this blog post a hundred times as I make my rounds each day. I see nothing being posted about how shallow the generations of believers are, and how we can fix it. Let's talk about that too. Nonetheless, good observations.

I am glad to hear that some people have never had to deal with believers that are hurting. From what I can gather, if you are a Christian and you have an unfortunate set of circumstances befall you, you had better just man up and just keep it to yourself. Apparently nobody at church wants to hear it. They only want to know how longer you can paint that smile on your face and keep going. If you are a believer, then you have absolutely no right to complain about anything. But therein lies the problem. The culture of the church is to keep going no matter what happens. Are we not supposed to pray for the sick, or the one who's lost his job, or the family who's lost their house, or the couple who's lost a child? Or are we supposed to feel guilty for reaching out to one of our own that needs encouragement or a helping hand. I myself have had my share of days when I have not wanted to go to church for one reason or another. I have also stayed home a time or two because of those reasons. The reasons weren't grounded in the church, but the deciding factor was. I didn't feel like going and pretending everything was fine, when clearly it wasn't. I cannot imagine fighting a war without troops. When your troops are injured, are you supposed to leave them dying on the battlefield when their lives could easily saved by getting them to a hospital for treatment. I am not saying that everyone needs the kind of attention that they might say they do, but certainly we should not forsake our own for the sake of the cause. Without people we lose this war.

I guess you'd have to ask your friends why they don't want to go to church during their present crisis. Do you (or they) believe the church people wouldn't be compassionate? Or would they be too compassionate? I've got a friend in a financial crisis, and hasn't gone to his church in several weeks. I asked why. He said he doesn't want to have to keep telling his problem over and over to everyone who asks. His problem isn't that his church family doesn't want to hear his problem, it's that EVERYONE wants to hear it. He would rather go where nobody knows him and doesn't care about his problem. He actually avoids his home church because of their concern! I found that interesting. On a side note, I was reading the NIV Application commentary on Joshua this morning, and in applying the OT cities of refuge to the church, the author outlines what a "church of refuge" looks like: 1) It is concerned with today and tomorrow, not yesterday. 2) Standards of conduct and expectations are applied only when necessary and then gently and sorrowfully. 3) All members have the same status: forgiven sinners. 4) It treats people the way God treated them--with mercy and compassion.