Younger guys have been asking me advice about dating. I'm not sure why, but I think they might realize what a dork I am and how hot my wife is. "How did he do it?" My answer? No. Earthly. Idea. :-)

But seriously, I think a lot about the relationship between a man and a woman and what it's supposed to look like for a man to pursue a woman and try to win her. It was always in the forefront of my mind when I was single. I mean seriously, what 17-23 year old guy is not thinking about women in some form or fashion at least 5 hours a day? The sad thing is, there are a lot of misconceptions going around as to how to date. Here are four of the biggest, written with guys in mind:

1. It's OK to date with no intention to marry.

Um, no. Whenever a guy asks me what they should do in a dating situation I ask, "Are you ready to pursue marriage with this girl? If not, stop dating her." Here's why I say and think this:

Dating is not a biblical institution, marriage is.

The thing about dating that is so dangerous is that a ton of people use it as an end in and of itself. They date just to date with no real intention of marriage in view. Marriage might be in their overal picture of things they want to do in life, but the dating relationship they are in at that time is not being used to figure out if they want to marry that person.

Dating, when used properly, should be a means to an end. What I mean is you date someone to figure out of God is leading you to marry that person. You should never, ever, ever date if you have no intention to marry the person you are dating. It's harmful and wasteful. Some guys spend years dating, acting like they're married to their girlfriend (praying together, sleeping together, sharing every thought, hope, and dream). And when they break up, it's like they have a mini-divorce! How can that be beneficial for you or for the girls you've dated?

If you are dating just for what you can get out of it whether it be companionship, a make out partner, or whatever else, then you are obviously in that relationship for what you can get out of it.

If you are dating to pursue marriage you are in that relationship to honor God either by finding out more about yourself and what you can live with, or you honor Him by choosing to marry a woman and become a picture of Christ to the world. You marry in order to literally bring glory, attention, and honor to what Christ has done. 

2. Your future wife will "complete you."

The concept of your wife "completing you" is one of the biggest piles of excrement I've ever heard in my entire life. And it comes straight from Hollywood. I'm not one of those guys who thinks everything that comes from Hollywood is bad, but this idea is completely heretical and asinine. Think about it. If you are an imperfect guy who lusts and has pride issues and wants everyone to think you are the man, then what you need to "complete you" is not an imperfect girl who is insecure and only feels valued by how she looks and has problems with gossip. 

You can't get perfection by adding two imperfect people together.

You're sinful. She's sinful. Putting those together does not equal righteousness or completion. The only thing that can complete you is Jesus. Period. End of story. (Phil. 1:6 He who began a good work in you will complete it.)

"Then what's the point of getting married if my wife won't complete me?" Well, to glorify God. When people see a biblical marriage, they will have to look to a higher power because a biblical marriage is when two imperfect people who are found in Jesus, love each other unconditionally. That is other-worldly.

3. You need to find "the one."

If there were one person out there for everyone, we'd all be screwed. If that's true, then all it takes is for one person to marry the wrong guy or girl. If that happens, everything else is messed up and you're left married to your "#2." It just does not make any sense.

I know, I know, it sounds very romantical (Little Rascals) to think there is one woman out there and you're on this quest to find her. But I think it's much more romantic for there to be a TON of different women you could be married to and CHOOSE the one you do! That's so much better! I could have been happy with some other woman besides my wife. Incredibly happy and successful and whatnot. But the beautiful thing is that I chose to marry HER! She became my one when we got married. Now there's no turning back. We are trying our best to be the small picture of Christ and the church. 

4. You need to be settled and stable before you get married.

I've taken flack from this before (mostly from people who were unarried at the time--go figure), but I think it's a myth that you need to have every material thing in order before you get married. People say you need to be out of college, have all your debt payed off, make at least $__ thousand per year, blah blah blah. My question to this concept is, what is the purpose of marriage? I could understand and agree with this concept if the purpose for marriage was to be completely happy and comfortable, or if it was your job to "complete" your spouse. Since you as a man cannot make your spouse truly happy, comfortable or complete, own your biblical role and get married! In fact, if your "future wife" says she won't marry you until all those things happen, I'd seriously reconsider as to whether or not you want to marry someone who is dependant on you to make her happy, comfortable, or complete. Do you have a place to live? Do you have food? Do you want to get married? Are your counselors approving of it? Get married.

So remember: (1) it's not OK to date with no intention to marry, (2) don't expect your imperfect wife to complete you, (3) there isn't one out there for you, so choose wisely, and (4) you don't need to be near as "settled" financially as some people think.

I welcome your dialogue here or at other places.
Jacob
twitter.com/jacobriggs